Monthly Update: "The Death of an Amateur"

Hello All!

Well, the holidays are here, New York is temporarily home to kind-hearted and loving people, there is a tennenbaum in my living room that is attacked daily by my cat, and all through the audition boards, not an audition was posted, not even an ECC. 

Happy Holiday Break to all!

As the end of the year approaches, and this human-constructed marker of time called New Year comes about, I am lead to reflection and anticipation. The past and the future are in constant clashing and combination in our present, but now, in this turn over into a new year, decade, and chapter of my life, I am taking a moment to see what my story has revealed.

2019: The Death of an Amateur

To begin, I wanted to address what this past year has brought and what I’ve cultivated: 

2019 has seen the end of my non-union theatrical career. For those of you who may not know it, Equity is the theater actor’s union. Joining that union provides a performer with protection from poor payment, over-working, and unfair contracts, as well as entitles us to health insurance, tax assistance, and (my absolute favorite) access to online sign ups for auditions! No more cattle calls!!
So far, through equity, I have participated in the off-broadway production that earned me my card, an equity showcase, and a series of auditions that have highlighted the continued work that I need to put into my artistry (the greatest gift any artist can receive). Through this union work I have met amazing artists who show  me, daily, how they make the best of their skill and commitment, I have found new avenues into winding the precision of my skills and mindset, and I have taken countless steps toward my now concrete performance goals. It is truly amazing what presenting someone with the expectation and the environment of professionalism can do.

2019 also brought the beginning of my artistic-directing career. For the entirety of this past summer I had the absolutely privilege and blessing to work, once again, with Jack Tracy, the creator of Necessary Outlet LLC, in his release of his first visual album: “For You.” Following around this consummate artist and having the gift of witnessing and assisting in his creative process has taught me so many amazing things. I have seen behind the curtain of production, and I have witnessed just how crucial every participant is in that creation. Performers: know your worth, elevate that worth, and never forget the worth of those around you. Producers: know your burden and right as leaders, cultivate the example you present, and never forget the worth of those around you. Creators: know how truly amazing your inspiration can be; you weave dreams into realities, never allow doubt to strangle your greatness, and never forget the worth of those around you.
And, as the great Kurt Vonnegut said, “practicing an art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow.” Please make more art

With all of the greatness that 2019 has brought me (the majority of which is too lengthy to include in this update), I have also faced deep disappointment, rejection, and pain. Personal relationships have both grown and decayed, professional bridges were both built and burned, and, through it all I have found myself single, but never alone…and it is in these highs and lows that I have found the beauty in cultivating the positivity of life.
The world is a dark and scary place, y’all, and I’m sure I don’t need to tell you of all of specific ways that this dark scariness can be cultivated…but I have found that there is no way to purge the world of that dark scariness. It will always be there, present and, at times, seemingly overwhelming, which simply means that we can either rail against its existence, like a toddler throwing a tantrum in the candy aisle, or we can work with the existence of darkness and scariness, understanding that our greatness is great enough to turn the darkness into light and the scariness into our power. Every defeat is another lesson that we can use to bolster our wings, bringing us closer to the sun (fuck Icarus; I’m flying as high as I can), and every rejection is another moment of reflection wrapped up in a beautiful little box; a sweet gift that shows us how we can love another part of ourselves that someone else believes is unlovable, and to find another path of growth and transcendence.

So, I am marching into 2020, carrying my banner high, proclaiming that I am not a product of circumstance, but a series of decisions that I have had the power, privilege, and responsibility to make. I am ready to make 2020 the year that I embrace my professionalism and continue my understanding and actualization of what I am as the artist, worker, and leader that I am

Come join me in that embrace <3

- Erik